Saran Wrap

Today, I was outsmarted by a roll of saran wrap. This is true. For the umpteenth time in my life I failed miserably at effectively wrapping things messily in a ball of plastic garbage. I managed to have every sheet I tore off stick so rapidly to itself that it was as if it missed the rest of the roll so much that it wanted to make sure I was going to further separate it. “No, little saran wrap, I am just going to wrap you around this muffin now, but you’re making it exceedingly difficult for me.” After this brief pep talk, the saran wrap decided to lose all clinginess qualities. It doesn’t want to stick to the muffin, and it is done clinging to itself. I also regularly struggle when it comes to rolling up a bag of chips, but that’s a different story. 

This is where life has taken me. I fail at such small things. I manage to aggravate my friends over dumb things, I couldn’t piece together and eat a healthy meal if my life depended on it, and I am still not even sure what I want to be when I grow up. Life’s little problems here and there are not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Is it a big deal if the plastic wrap sticks to itself? No, probably not. However, I can temporarily resolve the situation and move on with my life. But I have also come to find that when the plastic wrap sticking to itself is a headline story in my everyday life, it’s time to fix it. 

What does this mean for me? I think maybe it means that it’s time to figure out how in the hell to cut the saran wrap with that crappy dull edge they have pre-built into the box. Maybe it is time to make adjustments even if it means you might slice my thumb open (yes, I did this today). Maybe it’s time to identify issues and solve them, this way I don’t struggle with saran wrap for longer than I have to. Besides, it’s embarrassing. Plus, chicks don’t dig guys who can’t saran wrap a Costco muffin. 

So, I have made some executively half-assed decisions regarding my saran wrap. I have decided to be more willing to take risks if the integrity of the muffin inside of the wrap can be better maintained. I have also decided that the muffin is more loved by all if is properly taken care of and remains fresh. I have decided that sometimes muffins should write more pointless stories in Facebook notes. And I have decided that no matter how tempting some of the muffins might be, the poppy seed and the blueberry never disappoint so make sure they are always involved.

My life has now taken a step forward. My stagnant lifestyle can now be likened to my ineptness with plastic kitchen wrap. High fives, all around!